Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. Franklin D. Roosevelt
I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy. Rabindranath Tagore
Good day, dear friends and readers. Thanks to you who sent me an email about the last blog about cultivating joy and stewarding pain not being accessible. It’s because I sucked it back out from out in internet space into my computer. Not before a few of you read it, however.
The blog simply was not quite right. Too long and yet did not address some good research from neuroscience. And I’m not ready to tackle the whole enchilada right now. I’ll come back to it for sure. But, for now, I’ll keep it short.
We often think of joy and happiness being the same thing, but it seems not to be the case. To put it in a nutshell, joy seems to be experienced more like a deep, largely unflappable satisfaction with life. The joyful person is mostly motivated intrinsically rather than extrinsically. The connect system seems more involved; the chemical messengers are oxytocin and serotonin. Happiness action is in a different part of the brain; the dopamine, drive system is the mover and shaker.
So rather than write a lengthy prolix, I decided to offer today a simple story that gets at the difference. And I’ll remind you that in the advent calendar it’s the time of year when we contemplate our lives and big ideas.
This week the candle of joy is lit. A perfect time to consider What is it, this thing we call "joy"? Why do we want it? How is it different from happiness? How do we get it?
Here’s the story. I hope it helps us all think about it more and consider how we might live more joyfully which seems absolutely possible even in dark times…how? You’ll see its roots in this story…AND we can also live happily. A good life may combine them.
Two Friends: A Tale of Joy and Happiness
The sun rose over the small north central Washington town of Cashmere…casting its glow across sparkling snow. Maria and Jenna, childhood friends, sat on a weathered wooden bench overlooking the valley below them. They had planned this morning for weeks—a chance to catch up after years apart.
Maria, her eyes bright and reflective, clutched a steaming cup of coffee she had brought with her from the new coffee spot. Jenna, smiling broadly, adjusted her sunglasses and scrolled through her phone, occasionally sharing snippets of her recent successes.
Jenna's Happiness
“Maria, you won’t believe it,” Jenna exclaimed, her voice bubbling with excitement. “I just got promoted! My boss finally recognized all the work I’ve been putting in. The raise, the new office—everything is perfect.”
Maria smiled warmly. “That’s wonderful, Jenna. I can see how much this means to you.”
“It does! And last weekend, I treated myself to the latest gadget—you know, the one everyone’s talking about. It’s amazing. Oh, and look at these pictures from my vacation in Bali,” Jenna continued, flipping through vibrant snapshots of sandy beaches and luxurious resorts.
Her happiness was palpable. Jenna was riding a wave of external successes, savoring each moment of pleasure that her achievements and purchases brought. She felt on top of the world. At least for now.
Maria's Joy
Maria listened intently, her gaze drifting toward the horizon. The light breeze carried the fresh, almost sweet scent of the dormant orchards surrounding them, and her hands rested on the journal she always carried. Inside were sketches of flowers, fragments of poems, and reflections on her recent volunteer work with children at the community center.
“That all sounds amazing, Jenna,” Maria said softly. “You’ve had quite the adventure. As for me… things have been simpler. I’ve been spending a lot of time at the center, helping the kids with their art projects. One of them painted this incredible mural of his family. He couldn’t stop smiling when he showed it to me.”
Jenna tilted her head. “That sounds sweet, but doesn’t it get overwhelming? All that work for… what, exactly?”
Maria smiled, her eyes glistening with quiet contentment. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it fills me up in a way I can’t describe. Last week, one of the kids gave me a crumpled drawing as a thank-you. It’s hanging on my fridge now. It’s not about what I get—it’s about the connection, the meaning. Even on hard days, there’s this undercurrent of peace, like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
The Contrast
Jenna frowned slightly, not out of judgment but out of curiosity. “You’re happy doing all that? Even without… you know, big wins or vacations?”
Maria nodded; her smile soft but unwavering. “I wouldn’t say I’m ‘happy’ all the time. There are moments when things are hard or messy. But there’s this deeper feeling—joy, maybe? It’s like finding beauty in the cracks, even when life isn’t perfect. It’s not about chasing the next thing; it’s about being present with what is.”
Jenna thought about this as she took another sip of her coffee. Her happiness was vibrant and immediate. What Maria experienced - joy, seemed to run deeper, like a wellspring that didn’t depend on circumstances. It intrigued her, this idea that joy could exist even when life wasn’t picture-perfect.
As they sat in silence, a couple of hawks soared around in the distance. Jenna gasped, grabbing her phone to snap a photo. Maria, on the other hand, simply watched, her hand resting lightly on her journal.
In that moment, the two women embodied their respective emotions. Jenna felt a surge of excitement and happiness, her attention drawn to the immediate pleasure of capturing the scene. Maria, however, felt a quiet joy— gratitude for the moment itself.
When the women’s time together ended and they parted ways, Jenna walked away with a smile, already planning her next big adventure. Maria returned to her small home, her heart full from the conversation and the simple beauty of the day.
Both women carried something valuable, but the source of their feelings was different. Jenna’s happiness depended on her achievements and possessions—a delightful but fleeting sensation. Maria’s joy, rooted in connection, purpose, and presence, remained a steady light that illuminated even the shadows of her days.
As they lived out their separate paths, both would learn from each other: Jenna might seek the deeper waters of joy, and Maria might embrace the transient and sometimes intense pleasures of happiness. Together, they showed the richness of human emotion—a tapestry woven with moments of fleeting happiness and abiding joy.
I hope this story demonstrates that each emotion can be cultivated. We might want them both to live a balanced, integrated, self-compassionate life that feels serene, peaceful, and fulfilling, AND exciting, fun and playful. And we might circle back here to the previous blog on the three wolves…and being aware and understanding of our needs.
How might we journey together toward The Good Life embracing both joy and happiness?
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