Values provide perspective in the best of times and the worst. Charles Garfield.
Here’s one early takeaway from this article. A simple exercise, like writing about or journaling about your values, lowers markers of stress and induces calm and improves health and performance. Some of that backstory follows.
Dr. Geoffrey Cohen, a professor at Stanford in Business, Psychology, Education, and all-around good guy (the author of Belonging: The Science of Connection and Bridging Divides which I wrote about some months back) started thinking about achievement, particularly minority achievement, back in the early 2000’s. Cohen had an idea for increasing people’s performance and lowering their stress particularly when their identity was threatened.
Take another step back to get the full scope of what this means. Some of us don’t perform well because our identity gets threatened by our cultural or constructed stereotypes. Let’s say we are a woman and "everyone knows women don’t do well in math," but here we are in a math class. Our performance can take a hit. Or we want to give a talk about emotions but we’re a man. Uh oh. A man can't do that. Everyone knows men don’t even know they have emotions. Or we’re from Mexico and here we are at Stanford with white prep school kids – everyone knows we can’t measure up. Or we are over sixty and here we are in a class with 20-year-olds…everyone knows an old mind can’t keep up with a young one. That sort of thinking is quite likely going to negatively affect our performance.
Cohen wanted a way to counteract those stereotypes so that people could live up to their potential. His method? Write about your values.
Why? Because Cohen theorized that when people reflected on values that were central to their identity, they would experience a boost in self-integrity that would allow them to cope with threats to their self-concept. His 2006 study on minority students’ academic performance is a hallmark in this area, showing that a brief writing exercise could have long-lasting effects on grades.
Here's how the studies began about twenty years ago at Stanford. A group of college students at Stanford University were headed home for winter break. While they were gone, they were given the task of keeping a daily journal.
In this journal, some of the students were asked to write about their most important personal values and then describe how the events of each day connected with those values.
Another group of students was simply asked to describe the positive events that happened throughout their day.
When the students returned to school after the break, the researchers discovered that those students who wrote about their personal values were healthier, experienced fewer illnesses, and had better energy and attitudes….
As time has gone on, these findings have been replicated in nearly a hundred additional studies. In fact, according to the book by Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal:
It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied. In the short term, writing about personal values makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong. It also makes them feel more loving, connected, and empathetic toward others. It increases pain tolerance, enhances self-control, and reduces unhelpful rumination after a stressful experience.
In the long term, writing about values has been shown to boost GPAs, reduce doctor visits, improve mental health, and help with everything from weight loss to quitting smoking and reducing drinking. It helps people persevere in the face of discrimination and reduces self-handicapping. In many cases, these benefits are a result of a one-time mindset intervention.
Why does a short writing exercise of journaling about your values make such an amazing impact? Well, one of the reasons seems to be that we gain perspective. When we think about our values, the stressful events in our lives, like taking care of our families and working hard, seem less important. We remember why were are doing what we are doing. We have a "why" - we have meaning and that makes our efforts, even our suffering, worthwhile. We are more resilient and mentally tougher.
Some people like James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, writes not weekly in a journal but rather he writes and reflects yearly. He calls what he writes "An Integrity Report." He lists his core values, discusses on paper how he has lived and worked by them, and also notices where he missed the mark and what he will do differently to live up to his core values. According to him it has made a huge difference in his performance and happiness and health.
This sort of reconnecting with our values is what we do in our weekly compassion circle. I prepare a personal “check-in” before we meet. I think about what’s gone on in my life in the previous week. I think about how compassion in its various forms - kindness, connection, warm-heartedness, paying attention to others, thinking of others - did or didn’t work out for me. I consider my struggles. Then we get together and collectively discuss our lives as related to practicing compassion. It’s really a collective verbal integrity report. An accountability group some might say. Integrity is about remembering our values and reconnecting with them, living them. It sounds like not much fun, but it really is.
The weekly check-in reflection allows me to remember that this week I had seen someone whom I had an unfortunate, long-standing, somewhat yucky relationship with…mostly my own doing. But on this day, I remembered my values. I allowed my heart to warm when I saw her. I was able to give her a hug. She was amazingly responsive and gracious in return. And it felt good. It’s the person I want to be.
The result of not living our values, as I mentioned, can be not only stress and poor performance, and possibly ill physical health, but also depression. That's the second takeaway. It reminds me of a story told in a book written by pioneering psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Milton Erickson. One of Erickson's most famous cases involved a severely depressed older woman who became known as the “African Violet Lady.”
The woman had lived a very unfulfilled life, feeling that she had not accomplished anything of significance. She was overwhelmed with guilt and depression, considering herself worthless. When she sought Erickson's help, she felt trapped by her circumstances, believing that it was too late for her to make a meaningful contribution to the world.
Rather than focusing on her depression or trying to dissect the origins of her despair, Erickson identified her values (strengths often are connected with values). He noticed that she loved caring for African violets, a hobby she had long neglected. Seizing on this, he gave her a practical yet transformative suggestion: instead of dwelling on her failures, she should begin growing African violets and give them away to people in the community—particularly to people in need, such as those attending funerals or celebrating weddings.
The woman followed his advice, and over time, the simple act of growing and distributing African violets gave her a new sense of purpose and connection. As her garden grew, so did her reputation as the “African Violet Lady,” known for her kindness and generosity. People in the community cherished her gifts, and her life gained meaning through this small but steady act of contribution. Erickson’s intervention facilitated a transformation from despair to purpose by reconnecting the woman to her values and strengths and showing her how to practically live them out in her life.
The person I know who really gets it about people living their values, I've mentioned before. She'll hate that I mention her name. I'll whisper it Margie Kerr. She tries to stay behind the curtain. But not only is she a wonderful example, but she also comes up with all sorts of things that people can do, that are needed, and tries to match them to people's values. Rather informally. She is responsible, however, for the transformation of an entire community for years as she has gotten folks thinking about what they could do to make a difference. She encourages people to do things which feel fun and meaningful to them personally.
I think of Margie particularly today because yesterday John and I came home to an unusual looking birthday present on our doorstep (John turned 80 yesterday). Here's a picture. The box was filled with dinosaur sugar cookies (I put one on top of the box lid so you can see - and forgive my lack of photography skills). Homemade sugar cookies of course. Margie is a renowned cookie maker. And she loves to be fun and creative. And gladly we get to be the recipients of some of her many thoughtful endeavors.
We all do have values (though they can change). It's a matter of reconnecting with them, putting them into action that makes life good.
Even changing how we think about what we're doing can help us live more values-based lives and reap the benefits. That's the third takeaway. For example, remember the story of the bricklayers? I've heard it many ways. All the bricklayers were doing the same job, but they saw what they were doing differently. One was just laying bricks. Another was building a building. Another was building a grand Cathedral where the village could join together in praise and thanksgiving.
I've seen this in life and at work. John was a dentist. I've worked with dental teams. Some dental assistants see their job as sucking spit. At least one I know saw her job differently... as "comforting people and helping to provide a better life for every person she had the opportunity to touch." I probably don't have to tell you how that played out differently for them.
To sum it up, values are important for high performance, good health, and living a rewarding life. We can identify them and reconnect with them through journaling or perhaps preparing an "integrity report" or have a group to regularly check-in with. We don't have to change our entire lives. We can figure out small ways to live our values or simply change the way we think about what we are doing.
How might we journey together to good life by reconnecting with and living our values?
Okay, postscript if you want some help on identifying your values. Here’s a standard list that James Clear offers which he’s compiled from several sources. Keep your core values list to your top 5.
Core Values List
Authenticity
Achievement
Adventure
Authority
Autonomy
Balance
Beauty
Boldness
Compassion
Challenge
Citizenship
Community
Competency
Contribution
Creativity
Curiosity
Determination
Fairness
Faith
Fame
Friendships
Fun
Growth
Happiness
Honesty
Humor
Influence
Inner Harmony
Justice
Kindness
Knowledge
Leadership
Learning
Love
Loyalty
Meaningful Work
Openness
Optimism
Peace
Pleasure
Poise
Popularity
Recognition
Religion
Reputation
Respect
Responsibility
Security
Self-Respect
Service
Spirituality
Stability
Success
Status
Trustworthiness
Wealth
Wisdom
(I would love to hear more about your values, your stories, and what practices you use to help you living with integrity. drjunedarling1@gmail.com)
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