"True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us." Socrates (quoted on Jesuit website)
What if you received a telephone call from a good friend who says that he cannot go on like this and has decided to commit suicide. What would you say?
This is not actually a real situation, it’s a test. Researchers construct these sorts of social dilemmas. They are looking for something in the people who respond. Wisdom.
Wisdom has a long history. The Greeks and Romans revered it. All religions consider it a great virtue. These days, though it seems in short supply, it is supposedly what distinguishes great leaders from the rest of the pack. It is essential for aging well.
We'll discuss more about it but basically, wisdom is the ability to make sound choices or judgments. It’s distinct from intelligence as measured by IQ tests. You also don’t necessarily get wisdom just because you get older but some say that older people have a better opportunity to be wise.
You get wiser by gaining perspective. Wise people are able to see issues from many sides. Remember the story of the blind men and the elephant here. Also wise people see the world in shades of grey, not black and white. They aren’t so quick to say a 15-year-old girl would be crazy to get married. They consider the circumstances, the culture, the values involved.
Wise people also possess other characteristics like being able to take others’ interest into account, being able to resist impulsively judging others, being able to see when “the rules” don’t make sense and shouldn’t be followed. Wise folks also seem to be able to think and act with long term consequences in mind.
People who study wise folks hear them saying these sorts of things (If you attend Elder Speak around here, you'll hear similar words):
I have grown as the result of losses I have suffered.
I am very curious about other religions and/or philosophical beliefs.
I like to read books which challenge me to think differently about issues.
I like to look at all sides of a problem.
I find it’s easy to laugh at my mistakes in hindsight.
Here’s the really good news. It seems that we can get wiser at any age. The Teaching for Wisdom Program at Yale University helps students become wiser in a number of ways.
Students are exposed to classic works of literature and philosophy, particularly what might be called “wisdom of the ages.” Discussions and projects are aimed at drawing out the lessons learned from their reading. Teachers often use methods of questioning students that cause them to think deeply about truth and value. (Go Yale. I'm seriously worried about educational systems aimed to make humans technologically advanced while not putting much effort into developing wise human beings who can consider how to use it for the betterment of humanity.)
Dr. Robert Sternberg, an authority on developing wisdom, recommends that we learn other languages, that we read and discuss various novels, and that we read history texts from various perspectives – American history from the point of view of the original American inhabitants, for example.
We could use some more wisdom in the world. I see parents who are so concerned that their children get in the best schools. Yet I’ve seen many kids with great grades and know some with supposedly high intelligence who have made very poor decisions which wrecked their lives.
Just imagine a world where people actually were curious about others’ viewpoints. See a place where we engaged in substantial dialogue.
Maybe we can’t change the world in every way we want, but we can improve our own wisdom. Take a look at the four or five people you regularly hang out with. If they all think quite a bit like you do, then maybe it’s time to ask someone with a different belief system for coffee.
Neuroscientists and those who study cognition tell us that we have a strong propensity to come to conclusions with very little data. Then we spend most of our time looking for evidence to confirm our quick judgments.
If we really want to be wiser, we could intentionally look for materials and viewpoints that don’t agree with us. It’s a mark of progress toward wisdom when we realize we don’t know it all. There is Socrates for you.
Now really why I am writing this blog particularly on today is the movie Bonhoeffer. It came out Thursday. And it’s controversial. I won’t get into the controversy, rather I’d like to give my own take on Dietrich Bonhoeffer and how he shows us a vivid example of wisdom.
In the thick of Nazi Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer—a theologian, pastor, and quiet revolutionary—faced impossible choices. He wrestled with questions that defied easy answers: Should a Christian ever condone violence? Can evil be met with evil to save the innocent? In the end, his decision to participate in a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler stands as one of the most profound examples of moral ambiguity in modern history.
Bonhoeffer’s life invites us to reflect on the essence of wisdom: navigating the gray areas of life with courage, clarity, and compassion. Wisdom, as his story shows, isn’t simply about choosing between right and wrong; it’s about discerning the best path when every option is fraught with imperfection.
Wisdom is often reduced to cleverness or intellect, but it transcends both. Philosophers like Aristotle called it phronesis, or practical wisdom—the ability to make sound judgments in complex situations. Psychology adds another layer, emphasizing emotional regulation, humility, and moral reasoning as key components of wisdom.
Bonhoeffer embodied these traits. In his letters from prison, later published as Letters and Papers from Prison, he reflected deeply on the Christian call to gratitude, even in suffering. “In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”
His gratitude wasn’t superficial; it was an act of defiance against despair, a declaration that even in the bleakest moments, life held meaning.
Modern psychology affirms what Bonhoeffer intuited. Studies show what we've discussed before; that gratitude—a hallmark of wise living—shapes our brain in transformative ways. Neuroscientist Dr. Glenn Fox found that practicing gratitude activates the brain’s reward centers, reinforcing resilience and perspective in times of stress.
Moreover, wisdom itself is linked to better mental health and well-being. Wisdom researcher Monika Ardelt’s three-dimensional model of wisdom emphasizes:
Cognitive Depth: Seeing the nuances in complex issues.
Reflective Practice: Gaining insights through self-awareness.
Compassionate Action: Responding to others with empathy.
Bonhoeffer exemplified these traits as he reflected on faith, wrestled with the morality of resistance, and ultimately acted out of love for the oppressed.
Bonhoeffer’s story challenges us to embrace life’s uncertainties with both conviction and humility. In his book Ethics, he writes, “We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” (If you’re familiar with the Father Gregory Boyle, you see where he took that phrase from when he talks about the gang youth he walks alongside).
This perspective shifts us from judgment to compassion, from cynicism to gratitude. It’s an invitation to see others—and ourselves—as complex beings striving to live with integrity.
Gratitude might seem like an odd companion to moral ambiguity, yet Bonhoeffer’s life shows how the two intertwine. Gratitude anchors us when life feels chaotic. It reminds us to cherish the small certainties—a kind word, a shared meal, a moment of beauty—even as we wrestle with profound uncertainties.
Consider Viktor Frankl, a contemporary of Bonhoeffer, who survived Auschwitz (I’ve written about him several times) wrote, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Like Bonhoeffer, Frankl discovered that gratitude can sustain us even when external circumstances are unbearable.
How, then, can we cultivate wisdom in our own lives? A few more thoughts for me anyway on this day.
Practice Reflective Gratitude: Reflect not just on what I'm thankful for, but why. Bonhoeffer’s gratitude wasn’t for his suffering but for the meaning he found within it.
Embrace Moral Complexity: Accept that life’s hardest choices often lack a perfect answer. We humans hate this (there’s interesting older research about animals even hating ambiguity and basically rolling up in a ball when trainers signals are ambiguous.)
Seek Community: Wisdom grows in dialogue. Bonhoeffer’s life was enriched by the friendships and intellectual exchanges that shaped his theology.
Act with Compassion: Even when faced with ambiguity, choose kindness. Compassion is a cornerstone of wisdom.
Imagine Bonhoeffer in his prison cell, pen in hand. Outside, the world raged. Inside, he wrote of gratitude and grace. “The essence of optimism,” he said, “is not that it expects things to turn out well, but that it is convinced that the meaning of life remains unchanged.”
This story resonates because it mirrors our own struggles. We, too, face moral ambiguities, moments of doubt, and questions with no easy answers. Yet, like Bonhoeffer, we can anchor ourselves in gratitude and reach for wisdom in the gray.
I’m going to see Bonhoeffer despite the controversy around the film…in fact, now that I think about it, the controversy may help me think more deeply about life and wisdom and gratitude even in dark times. If you decide to see it, you may want to look at an objective re-telling of Bonhoeffer’s life and read a couple of the controversial responses to the film as well.
How might we take today and this season to become more reflective, embrace moral ambiguity, seek out community, act with compassion, AND be grateful?
(I am curious about how you respond to Bonhoeffer)
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